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KIDS/POKER FACE
[WEEZER - MGMT/LADY GAGA COVER]
Today, after school, as i was walking out the school parking lot, a car full of teenage boys had all they’re windows rolled down, music blasting—Justin Bieber & singing along at the top of their lungs. MLA
“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn’t be. And what it wouldn’t be, it would. You see?” _Mat Musto
No matter how far away I am from you, I know that there is some probability, no matter how infinitely small, that I am at your side, the way it should be.
“
“At the first kiss I felt something melt inside me that hurt in an exquisite way. All my longings, all my dreams and sweet anguish. All the secrets that slept deep within me came awake. Everything was transformed and enchanted, everything made sense.” _Herman Hesse
dillon: hey
me: hi..you look warm
dillon: always am
(we hug)
dillon: i've been sober for 7 days
me: that's good. good for you :)
dillon: so how are you?
me: umm..i've been pretty good..just tired..oh i saw you on Tuesday..{you made me hyperventilate..}
dillon: Tuesday?
me: yea. you walked into Mr. Grant's class..
dillon: you were there?..i was trying not to look at people because everybody was staring at me..
me: haha how could they not? you walked right in the middle of class
dillon: oh..so where you going?
me: Econ, Mr. Grant's class
dillon: i'll walk you
me: oh thank you for the escort
dillon: haha anytime
me: so do you have Mr. Grant
dillon: did. last year, but he kept kicking me out. so yea..
[in front of Mr. Grant's classroom door]
(we hug)
dillon: (recites my number)
me: what?..are you going to call it?
dillon: mmhm i have to remember phone numbers. i just got a new phone..
me: haha it seems that you get a new phone almost every month
dillon: yea..i threw the last one at a tree last Friday...
me: oh woww
dillon: well i have to go
me: kay bye
(we hug)
dillon: i can't be late to auto again & if do, i'll blame you..
guess who i subconsciously-purposely bumped into today? yup, Dillon. after my brother merely mentioned his name, inserting it in our conversations-i stole furtive glances at him across the upper quad when i spotted him & spent some time debating whether to go up to him to just say..then i decided against it. the bell rang. & as i was walking towards the history building, to Mr. Grant’s Econ class, (i don’t know what came over me, but i purposely walked slowly past his sight view) which led to us saying hi, hugging, etc..oh my gosh, i feel as if i’m falling for him all over again, i swear. he looks so cute—i’m not gonna lie. he looks so much better now. cleaner, sober…we traded pleasantries, he offered to walk me to class, so he did…& yah…we hugged so much, & i guess it’s just an excuse to touch each other(?)—:\ i miss him so much..
woww. i really don’t know what to make out of what had just happened.i don’t think this is something that happens between ex’s (but i’m not sure) i don’t know, i don’t know, i don’t know..but i do know this, i still want him. despite everything, i know i still want him. why? i don’t even know, if i can put it into words that people could understand.
“Memory is fiction. We select the brightest and the darkest, ignoring what we are ashamed of, and so embroider the broad tapestry of our lives. Through photography and the written word I try desperately to conquer the transitory nature of my existence, to trap moments before they evanescence, to untangle the confusion of my past. Every instant disappears in a breath and immediately becomes the past; reality is ephemeral and changing, pure longing. With these photographs and these pages I keep memories alive; they are my grasp on a truth that is fleeting, but truth nonetheless; they prove that these events happened and that these people passed through my destiny.” _Epilogue to Isabel Allende’s Portrait in Sepia
