a lovely mess.

I’m so exhausted

drained out, almost empty.

So tired, so tired

Oh, please have mercy.

Aren’t i a human too?

Where are the rights that are God forsaken mine?

But you treat me like I’m nothing, but a nuisance…

& i’m “fine”, i’m fine, i’m fine (9/24/13))

A haiku:

I’m not a robot;
Beep bop bloop beep boop boop beep.
One zero one one.

Sadness;

Sadness greets me like an old friend

Reminds me of all the good things, the bad as well.

We reminisce, as the tears flow like it will never end.

It whispers all the secrets we could not tell.

Sadness envelopes me like a favorite sweater, so warm & yet so familiar.

In its pockets, it holds my favorite pains, the ones I’d revisit over & over & over again.

All those times I was way too far,

It brings me back with the same old rhythm, the same old pain.

Sadness shrouds me like a cloak, too dark to see

Everything that has been so carefully tucked away.

Tears flow & blurs what’s around me,

Sobs silences me of everything I want to say.

Sadness, this feeling I couldn’t fight.

Yet, a sunny disposition I masquerade,

To fool the ones in the light.

To hide the monster in me that I have made. (11/23/12)

Falling into love,
with you, i’m vulnerable;
totally exposed.

Scars are forever;
a permanent reminder
of sad memories.

Clinomania.
Oh! Woe is me, woe is me;
melancholic me.

Pause, unfinished thought;

just lingering ideas..

but always aching. 

Untitled

The ocean is vast! It seems never ending, alive, 
because it holds and sustain lives,
as it breathes and lives,
breathing in and out, in and out,
as the waves come and go. come. and then, go.
See how the waves often come in sevens?
Seven seas, seven continents; it ties it all together.
But no matter how many times the coast ignores the waves
they always return;
such persistence!
Is it unconditional love? 
offering solace from our daily tragedies, sustenance to our daily lives.
Listen, as the waves leave and return, leave and return, leave and return, rhythmic. constant.
so soothing, so peaceful
and yet, soaking in mystery, myth 
depths unfurled, so beautiful, enigmatic, and dangerous as well..
Urban ocean, always there
past, present, future…
if we permit it to be.
The destruction we allow,
pollution of its waters and its creatures, holds no guarantee.
So much for being caretakers of the earth, allowing such destruction, by the seven deadly sins: 
pride, anger, lust, sloth, greed, envy and gluttony, 
they are indeed deadly.
Now imagine, a visit to the beach
hoping to listen to the waves,
they leave,
and what if, they never return?
It would be still and quiet. Stagnant and dead, and melancholy.
Is shame that which we feel?

You brighten me up,
my pocket full of sunshine;
I glow when you’re here.

I want less time &,
more time, simultaneously,
What contradiction!

Would you be so kind,
Oh whatever, nevermind..
I’m so sorry, heart.

Untitled

No matter how many times the coast ignores the waves
they always return;
such persistence,
it’s unconditional love,
offering solace from our daily tragedies, sustenance to our daily lives.
Listen, as the waves leave & return, leave & return, rhythmic. constant.
so soothing, so peaceful
& yet, holds so much mystery
depths unfurled, so beautiful, enigmatic, & dangerous as well..
Urban ocean, always there
past, present, future…
if we allow it to be.
The destruction we allow,
pollution to its waters & its creatures, holds no guarantee.
So much for being caregivers of the earth, allowing such destruction, by the seven deadly sins: pride, anger, lust, sloth, greed, envy & gluttony, they are indeed deadly; we should be ashamed.
Now imagine, a visit to the beach,
listening to the waves leave
& what if, they never return?
It would be still & quiet. stagnant & dead.

i am trapped here from

my own actions and mistakes;

i’m suffocating.

Breathless; You & i.

Heartbeats synchronizing,

As we intertwine.

Alone with my thoughts,
Dark & broken
It’s a date tonight, just me & them
Of replaying memories
& past mistakes.
Repeating the same questions I’ve asked myself before
Searching for myself,
Or my happiness?
Are they one & the same,
Or two completely different entities?
I try,
I swear, I try my hardest
To make everyone happy
& despite the fact that I know it’s impossible
I do it anyways
Why?
Why keep trying the same thing over & over & over & over again expecting different results?

I wanna bury my head
Into the ground,
Lost, & never found
Sick sick thoughts
& dirty musings
Of things unheard of
Why am I here?
What is my purpose?
Why have I survived a tragedy, just to fuck things up?
People won’t admit,
But I know,
It’ll be better off if I’m gone,
Somewhere else, not here, anywhere, just gone.
But what is the point?
Of keeping me alive?
When theres no purpose & Theres no need
My existence is pointless, worthless & nothing.

Lies. lies. lies,
People say, & repeat
Masks they wear to conceal
What’s inside & underneath
Were all puppets
Smaller parts of a greater & bigger picture.